Emotional wreckage

I have spent the past two weeks slowly getting off Paxil, in preparation for starting Cymbalta. So I really haven't been much fun to live with for the past week or so. Naturally, the Universe decides this is a good time to see just how far to take things.  Let's travel back to yesterday to put things in perspective...

The follow up appointment with my rheumatologist went well.  He went over the additional bloodwork he'd ordered, almost all of which had come back normal.  One came back high or positive but since I don't have any of the conditions (psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, etc.) that one normally associates with this result, he said we're just going to ignore it for now and focus on the Fibromyalgia. We went over my options again and I told him that I'd decided to try the Cymbalta and had just finished weaning off the Paxil. So he wrote the prescription, went over the dosage (30 mg for the first week and then increase to full dosage of 60 mg beginning the second.) We discussed what to do in the event of side effects, he said he wanted to see me in two months and that I needed to have labs done the week before.  Labs were submitted electronically, appointment was made and I went off on my merry way.

At this point, I was pretty happy.  I hurt but it was only about at a 3 and that was mainly from driving. Picked up my son from his friend's house and we headed home.  Then my sister called and shared some rather upsetting health news of her own. She'd gone in to the ER the night before with what she thought was probably an acute flare of her diverticulitis or appendicitis only to have them discover a huge mass taking up most of her abdominal cavity. She had consults and more tests yesterday and is waiting on those results. Hopefully, it will not turn out to be ovarian cancer, which is the fear. Needless to say, this news has me concerned and worried about my sister. This was then followed by the pharmacist telling me that they had to talk to the doctor before they could fill my prescription. They only have to 60 mg of Cymbalta as a capsule and you can't cut a capsule in half so they needed to make sure they could give me 30 mg tablets and have me take 2 for the increase.

This morning, I'm having the joy of what I call temperature control issues.  That's where my body can't decide if it's hot or cold and I go back and forth between the two. Since today is massage day, I jumped in to the shower and stood there with the hot water running over me.  Reflected on how good that felt and kind of wished I had a chair in there so I could just sit with the water running over me. By the time I was dressed and heading downstairs, however, I was already stressed by trying to carry too much with me and sweating like crazy even though the house is cool.

I'm trying to pick things up and get ready for my massage therapist friend to come over, which does not help the sweating. I notice a travel cup of coffee sitting on the floor and ask my husband if it's his as I'm picking it up.  And then it happens.  I go completely over the edge. Because I did not like the way he said, "Yes, that's my coffee." I broke down into hysterical tears because I was only trying to help and pick it up so the puppies wouldn't knock it over. I spent the next 10 minutes or so sobbing, even while I'm still trying to get the dogs fed, etc. the thing was, even as it was happening, I knew it was a total over reaction to the situation. That didn't make one bit of difference, though. Now I feel totally wiped out.

On the plus side, I am no longer sweating and my feet are absolutely freezing. My friend should be arriving in the next 15 minutes or so and will set up and spend the next 90 minutes or so giving me a lovely and much needed massage, using a special essential oil formulated for fibromyalgia. If there is any way you can possibly do it, I highly recommend regular massages. Go to someone who knows and deals with clients with fibro. I was really reluctant to have my therapist come to the house for my massages because it felt like such an imposition. She convinced me it wasn't and I am so glad. If you can find someone to do in-house massage, it can really help. If not, at least try to go out and get one on a regular basis. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself.