Today, I am in sympathy with that toddler. You know, the one who throws herself down on the floor, crying and screaming that she can't wear *that*, that it's WRONG! Leaving you perplexed because it's something she's worn many times before and never had an issue with. And when you try to ask her what the problem is, all she can say is that it's WRONG. For today, I am that toddler. You see, my pants were WRONG today. While I resisted the urge to throw myself down on the ground and have a tantrum (knowing that to do so would mean I would definitely pay for it in aches later), the longer I wore them, the WRONGER they were.
Like the toddler, I was unable exactly to pinpoint what that WRONGNESS was. They weren't too small but they felt uncomfortable around my middle. They weren't too big but they rubbed irritatingly loosely around my calves when I walked. They made my legs itch. The didn't feel right. In other words, they were wrong. This wrongness first asserted itself as I was driving in to drop my son off at school and go on to work. Meaning I was on a schedule that didn't allow for me to leisurely turn myself around and return home to change. No, I had to carry on and deposit the child at school so that he was on time. Now, if we lived in the neighborhood where he attends school and I work, I could have gone back home to change at this point. But we don't. No, we live 25 miles away.
So I went on to work. Where my day further deteriorated when I discovered that, no, I did not have the envelope that has our important documents (birth and marriage certificates) tucked away in my office at work. I knew it was kind of a far fetched hope but I need them and they aren't in the spot they belong in at home. So I'm stressed about finding them because I must provide a marriage certificate to prove my husband is my husband and a birth certificate to prove my son is my son, in a process known as "Verifying Your Dependents", that is suddenly required by the provider of our health insurance here at work.
My pants are growing ever WRONGER as I attempt to work. I decide that I'll get the second piece of documentation needed to verify my husband, a bill or statement from within the past 60 days that has both of our names on it, the date, and our current mailing address. No problem, I think. I'll just download our most recent mortgage statement and there you go! We have mortgages on two houses with the same company and they send me emails each month telling me that my statements are available to view (we went paperless a couple of years ago so everything is electronic). Now, I feel no compelling need to login each month and look at the depresssingly high number that is the amount still owed on each mortgage. So I don't. I mean, would you?
Anyway, I went to the website and attempted to login. Only it was telling me that something wasn't right with either my username or password. I try again, attempting a different password. Nope. Again, trying a different username. Nothing. I try every possible permutation of username and password I can think of and nothing works. So I click on the link that says, "Forgot username". It asks me for my email, which I provide, and then asks a security question. Only the security question it asks me is "What was the name of your childhood doctor?" I'm a little perplexed because I certainly don't remember ever selecting *that* as a security question but I type in the answer. Doesn't work. I try it with a capital letter. Nothing. I try misspelling it. Nope.
Okay, I'm sure I had the username correct. I'll try the "Forgot password" link. I click on that and it asks me for my username, which I provide. It then asks me a different security question. "Who is your favorite athlete?" Huh? WTH? I don't *have* a favorite athlete. There is no way, no how that I would have ever have selected that as a security question. I mean, I can't even come up with anything to try. Nothing. Finally, I logged enough unsuccessful attempts to login that it tells me I now need to call. I call the number supplied. The first thing it asks me for is my account number. Which I don't have because I do everything paperlessly and they only include the last four digits on the email. Luckily, they give me the option of saying "I don't have this."
Eventually, I am turned over to "Charlotte" for help. Since I do not have my account number, I must give her three drops of blood, the promise of any forthcoming children, my full social security number, etc. She accesses my account. "Oh. Huh." She pauses. "When was the last time you logged on?" "Before today? I'm not sure. Maybe last year when I needed to access the end of the year documents to do my taxes." This, evidently, is not good news. Because if you don't log in "frequently" (she didn't specify exactly what that was but evidently it's more than once a year), they deactivate your login. Which was why I was unable to make it work.
So I had to "enroll" all over again, while on the phone with her so that she could provide me with the necessary account numbers to link my two mortgage accounts to my login info. What felt like 9 hours later, I was able to access the information I needed and upload the necessary document with both my husband's and my name on it. By this time, my pants were so WRONG I could hardly stand it. There was really nothing left to do but decide where I was going to go to buy a new pair of pants. I decided on Target.
Naturally, I could not find a pair of navy blue pants to save my life. Because that would have been too easy. I ended up with a pair of black leggings. That did not go with the blue print of my top. So I grabbed a black and gray print blouse. Of course, I was wearing blue/red/green striped shoes. They, btw, were becoming WRONG as well. Because there was a rock or something in them that I couldn't locate to get out. Yeah, that wasn't going to work. So off to the shoe department I go. Luckily, I found *one* pair of casual black canvas slipons in my size. I check out and hit the bathroom, unable to wait any longer to get out of the WRONG pants and shoes.
I still don't know where the marriage and birth certificates I need are hiding in my home, which is definitely causing me stress, but at least my clothes aren't WRONG anymore. And it's amazing what a difference that has made. So, I have a lot more sympathy for that toddler now. If it's yours, maybe give them a break and pick something else for them to wear. It could make the whole day go better!
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