Trapped

Right now, I feel like I'm trapped in an unending cycle of pain.  This one has been going on for a solid week now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.  Will it ever end? I'm ready for a little relief.  Please.

I've been having to double up on pain medication and, even then, it doesn't make the pain go away, it just kind of pushes it to the background.  But within a couple of hours (right now, I'm at about 3.5 hours in from when I took first pain pill, 2.5 hours since I added second), even that begins to fail as the pain pushes its way to the forefront once again.  My ability to accomplish anything or focus on anything is practically non-existent.

I hate this.  And I know that there are others who are far worse off than I am.  But that doesn't seem to help and I still find myself sinking down into the abyss.  Any kind of external stimulation - light, sound, smell - is heightened and quickly becomes overwhelming. I completely feel like I should be able to overcome this but today, it's getting me down and making me feel defeated.  I am digging deep today to try to find hope, that thing with feathers that perches in your soul.  Right now, it feels like it has taken flight and abandoned me for the moment.

I used to feel younger than I am. Right now, I feel decades older.  I do not like this.  I do not like anything about this. I want answers that don't exist.  I want to know why.  Why me?  Why any of us? Why does God allow disease and suffering? Do I really need this to "strengthen my character"? Because if that's it, I'll gladly settle for having a weak one.